I hereby designate Tuesday as the [main] day on which I shall write about movies. I’ll do this every week for as long as I can remember to! The key reason for this was that I felt there was a cheap reference to make to the Rolling Stones song, “Ruby Tuesday”. Never was so much to be built upon so puntabulous a decision. For my first instalment, I have for you a list. It’s a list filled with twelve exciting things – all the awesome movies coming out in 2015 which I really want to see. Apologies for it being a bit of a “boy list”, but hell, I like action movies and don’t care who knows it!
Chappie (out March 12 in Australia):
Hugh Jackman, bemulletted Australian, beats the crap out of irritating and sentient robots. Or at least that’s what I took from a middle-of-the-night viewing of the trailer. In any case, this should be a good romp, and perhaps there’ll be a moral for all of us. Neill Blomkamp is directing, so probably.
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water (out April 2 in Australia):
There is an ancient tradition in my family. Well, not a tradition, per se, but it’s been going for a good ten years now: everyone has to quote SpongeBob SquarePants at every available opportunity. This film comes well after that program reached its peak, but hopefully they’ll be able to scrape together some early era SpongeBob goodness to make this film worthy of my family’s affections. Also, Antonio Banderas is the villain, and who doesn’t love Antonio Banderas?
The Avengers: Age of Ultron (out April 23 in Australia):
Who’d have thought that a 2008 film based on one of Marvel’s more second-tier properties of the time – namely Iron Man – would end up spawning a universe of 10 released movies, with two more due out this year? The Avengers: Age of Ultron is number 11, and the pants-wettingly anticipated sequel to 2012’s The Avengers. It’s been a while coming, but it looks like we’re in for a much darker ride than the original, especially if any of the films since then are anything to go by (I’m looking at you, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, aka Captain America: All The President’s Men). Anyway, here is a trailer. Which I haven’t watched and don’t intend to. Because surprises.
Mad Max: Fury Road (out May 14 in Australia):
Like a number of other entries on this list, I’m going into Fury Road fairly cold. I haven’t yet seen the original Mad Max films, though I have all three on DVD, but this doesn’t stop me from thinking the new film looks like it’s going to be pretty badass. Explosions, the desert, post-apocalyptic pierced Goth nomads…it has everything you expect from an Australian film in the modern idiom.
Tomorrowland (out May 21 in Australia):
My desire to see this film stems purely from a love of the work of Brad Bird. Director of The Iron Giant, The Incredibles, and Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, Bird makes engaging and exciting films with great stories and a lot of heart. There is no reason this film should be any different – it has a lot of potential.
Jurassic World (out June 11 in Australia):
Jurassic Park is an amazing movie. The whole franchise is generally enjoyable. This time around, there’s dinosaurs, Chris Pratt, and even more God complexes. What’s not to love?
There’s a part of me, though, that wishes this were the movie they were making.
Terminator: Genisys (out July 1 in Australia):
The Terminator franchise goes back to basics by making things more complex, retconning the entire series out of existence (which is a good thing, considering their flirtation with Christian Bale was, frankly, tedious). The trailer makes things look like the film’s going to be a bit of a best-of compilation, but honestly, if they can do that and still make it slightly coherent, and enjoyable, then it doesn’t really bother me too much. It’s becoming increasingly clear I don’t set the bar especially high when it comes to movies.
Ant-Man (out July 16 in Australia):
I don’t know anything about Ant-Man, except that he can shrink down to the size of an ant, and Cracked.com tells me he once used this ability in a pervy way. But if Marvel can make smash hit blockbusters out of properties only the most dedicated comic-book readers still know about (i.e. Guardians of the Galaxy), then I have fairly high hopes for this one too, even if Edgar “Hot Fuzz” Wright bailed, under suspicious circumstances, from directing. Paul Rudd (the eponymous insect-humanoid) is always excellent though, so there’s that.
Mission: Impossible 5 (no release date set for Australia, hopefully around early August to match the US and UK.):
No poster. No trailer. No limits. To be honest, I strongly suspect Mission: Impossible 5 is going to be pushed back, because it’s just under five months from its supposed release date of July 31 in the USA. Still, I’m willing to wait. I recently rewatched the previous instalment, Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, and it was brilliant. Except for M:I2, the series has been consistently watchable. I look forward to seeing what Tom Cruise and Friends have in store for us this time around.
The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (no release date set for Australia, but hopefully around August/September like the rest of the world):
Most of my knowledge of the show on which this is based consists of, “Ooh, it’s Robert Vaughn, and what a catchy theme tune this show has!” Guy Ritchie is directing this adaptation, which looks like a fantastic ode to the sixties Eurospy scene, and seems very, very shiny. I’ve never seen an unwatchable Guy Ritchie movie, though I’m sure anything he did with Madonna would have been awful because Madonna. But fortunately, she is not in this picture, so hooray! Now look at the sexy and bombastic trailer. LOOK AT IT.
SPECTRE (no official release date for Australia yet, but it should be November 6, by the looks.):
If any of the small amount of behind-the-scenes stuff I have stupidly allowed myself to accidentally read is anything to go by, there’s going to be a ski sequence in this movie. And that’s awesome. It’s the first since The World Is Not Enough (1999), if anyone cares. There’s also an exclusive Aston Martin, new suits, and the return of SPECTRE! Being a lover of the books, it’ll be interesting to see whether any inspiration for origins is drawn from the original Fleming. In any case, it’s going to be great to see what Sam Mendes has for us to follow up the magnificent Skyfall. I cannot understate how excited I am for this movie. And once we have a trailer, who knows, I might be even more excited!
Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens (out December 17 in Australia – that’s a whole day before the US, for those playing at home – feeling a little Aussie pride here, to be honest):
Well, look, it’s Star Wars. I mean, it’s STAR WARS. Even if it sucks it’ll still be cool. But it’s not going to suck, because the excellent JJ Abrams is fighting very hard to ensure that it doesn’t. The first trailer is a thing of refreshingly modern beauty, particularly the scene in which X-wings are skimming across the surface of a lake. And the original trilogy from the Original Trilogy are BACK! Yes, Luke, Han, and of course Leia are all set to make a return, and all played by their original actors (Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, and Carrie Fisher, respectively). It’s hard to say whether I’m more excited about this, or for the new Bond film, SPECTRE! (You all know it’s the Bond film.)